Dominic Barrios | Wedding Photographer in Manila, Philippines » Wedding Photography Blog

How God Works in Bringing People Together

Just want to share a special article I’ve read recently…. Most single person who are not sure of their vocation yet or probably is still searching for “the right partner” might have asked himself/herself Β this question: “How do you know if he/she is the one? The partner God has created for you? “. Even I asked myself these same questions…Sometimes, when i think about it, our “free will” just gets in the way in following what God really wants for our lives. But that is why we always need to pray and ask for his guidance and grace so that we might be able to follow his will and not just ours. After reading this post, please share your comments about the article.. I’d love to hear from you and what you think about it.



Source:Β http://catholic.net/index.php?option=dedestaca&id=803

“God does not have one special person set aside for us to marry. But he does work in conjunction with our efforts to find a suitable spouse.”

Recently I was asked by a single woman in her late thirties if it’s wrong to believe that God has a hand in bringing her the person he wants her to marry. I replied that she is not wrong to believe that. God is always involved with all aspects of our lives. It’s no different with the vocation to marriage. He influences the people we will come into contact with and how we come into contact. God does help with finding a suitable partner. In fact, we say in the marriage ceremony, “What God has brought together, let no man put asunder.”

But all too often, we human beings have a tendency toward self-destructive tendencies. In other words, we do stupid things. Unwise actions and decisions (or lack of making decisions at all) affect the vocation to marriage we are called to, just as these would affect any other important part of our lives. This happens because of selfishness. We want what we want. But what does God want? If he wants us married, then he wants to help make that happen, and wants it to happen sooner rather than later.

God does NOT have one set person for us to marry. Rather, he influences our coming into contact with potentially suitable partners. We must have our senses and our hearts open to who these potential future spouses are, and take the actions necessary to discovering which is the one that the mystery of love will work in our hearts. How God brings two specific people together is a mystery. But we are very much involved, and it is ultimately our decision.

The free-will consent of both persons to each other on the day of the wedding is what confects the sacrament of holy matrimony. The “free will” means it is our choice, and God then blesses the decision. In this decision is also the forsaking of all others. That means there could have been someone else, but this is your choice for the rest of your life.

It’s a mystery how God is both an influence and also a spectator. He is very much involved in helping you find someone, but he awaits the decision of the two he has helped. Therefore, unfortunately, it does happen that, because of free will, two people that God helped do NOT come together in marriage. Is this the end for either? No! God continues to work because the vocational call is too important. There can be someone else willing to make that commitment (free-will consent) to love for a lifetime.

As long as there is free will, there will always be marriages that do not happen that should have. I do personally believe that a person can miss out on their best hope for marriage by their free-will decision in the past to say no to someone who was a good, suitable partner. It does not mean it is over, it just means it might become that much more difficult, or might take longer than we hope.

God is not going to just send someone “despite” our efforts, but rather in “conjunction” with our efforts. We have to get into environments that make sense for meeting good, single Catholics. Otherwise, God’s job is much harder. It’s not impossible, but it is harder. For example, if you live in an area where there are hardly any Catholics, and you are unwilling to move or unwilling to travel to meet someone, then you are forcing God to perform a miracle. We have to do our part. God helps those who help themselves.

Let us not blame God for not bringing us “the one.” It is probably our own fault, whether it is because we are too busy to make time for dating, or our expectations are too high, or we want everything to be perfect, or we want marriage on our own terms and time frame. If you are to be married, then you have to get on with it, and do whatever is necessary to find a suitable partner.

Start by realizing there are many people out there who will make a wonderful (and suitable) marriage partner for the purposes of marriage; namely, mutual love and bringing children into the world for God’s glory. God is not completely absent from this process either, so know that God is always the one who brings people into your life. Pay attention to who comes along. Don’t discount people quickly. Be ready to open your heart to a good man or good woman. Don’t pass up on a good one just because you think someone better might be out there. Get your parents involved, too. They can tell if you are with the right or wrong person. More times than not, a parent ends up saying, “What was wrong with that one?” because their child just broke up with someone who was wonderful and for seemingly no good reason. It was probably a dumb reason, too.

Today, you need to be “heroic” in your efforts. These are not easy times to be single and Catholic. Finding a suitable partner might be costly (in the time commitment as well as financially). But it is all worth it in the end when you are loving one person and know you are doing what God wants you to be doing.

  • camille - January 22, 2011 - 1:28 am

    i agree. God doesn’t give us one perfect match, but He sets people in our path: people who can influence us to change for better or for worse, if we CHOOSE them. and again, i agree that people do have self-destructive tendencies. whether these are brought about by insecurities, trust issues, immaturity – these are what makes a marriage fail. like what the priest said at P&M’s wedding: “marriage is a work in progress”. and like everything else worth having in this life, it needs constant effort. but if you sacrifice enough and compromise enough and open yourself up to the potential for a happily-ever-after, then chances are, you will be one of the few who will succeed. yan nakakalimutan ng tao e – na hindi poket “G.G.”, e wala ka nang gagawin sa relationship kundi umupo na lang. found out the hard way and grew wiser because of that.

    ako, i’m still struggling to find the right balance between all the roles i have to play: as a wife, as a mom, as myself, and many more. but i know that with faith and love, everything will be ok.

    keep up the good work nicky. pictures please! and i love the picture you used here, sino kaya yan?? haha πŸ™‚

  • JEL M. - January 31, 2011 - 12:08 pm

    came across your blog by accident and am glad that I did. Your views on fate and God’s ways in bringing that special person into your life is fascinates me. Hardly would anyone – a guy – say what you have just said out loud (I mean, sa panahon ngayon…). I agree with you, β€œself-destructive tendencies””…we do stupid things. Unwise actions and decisions (or lack of making decisions at all).” Unfortunately, sometimes, we fail to choose the right decision at the time for -yes – selfish reasons, fear being one of them.
    “He is very much involved in helping you find someone, but he awaits the decision of the two he has helped.” Maybe this line you said here’s what caught my attention. Decision-making is an important aspect of each person- for himself and for the relationship with the S.O. (Significant Other). Lack of it then is what? When the other one does not seem to know what to do or what to choose, what then? Do they pray and wait for a time until they are able to decide? And for the time being, what do they do? Should they put in effort to welcome other prospects? Choosing to risk heavens with that person and jumping off the bridges of hell together may seem to really be a tricky confusing decision make. One, because you’d want to be with that person but you dont want that person to have a hard time bec of you and two, because you love that person and choosing to be together might make important people in your lives unhappy – That might make you both struggle to keep it together.

    It’s admirable that someone still thinks the way you do. Great work of art in your photos. I am sure you will find the “one” in God’s perfect time and soon be the one in the photos. God bless.

  • Dominic Barrios - January 31, 2011 - 6:56 pm

    Hi Jel, thanks for taking time to read the article and sharing your insights. Btw, this article came from Catholic.net but I posted it because it gave me a different insight contrary to what the world wants us to believe, that God prepared only “One” special person for everyone. In short, a Soulmate. And that if you don’t find him/her, you are bound to have a lonely single life. Also, some people think that being “single” is a bad thing. Reading this article gave me an affirmation that whatever decisions we make in life, be in our personal decisions, career moves, relationships or etc, God will still bless us despite choosing the path according to our will and not His will. Because even though we make these “selfish” decisions in life, God can use these opportunities to mold us into His character.

  • Dominic Barrios - January 31, 2011 - 7:04 pm

    Hi Camille, im really happy to see and read your insights from this post. Yep, though some would believe God made everything possible for two people to meet each other, our Faith and Action (decision to do the right thing, accdg to His will) will still play very big roles in your life decisions.

    Btw, I still have lots of backlogs.. I’ll try to keep up my blog posting para makahabol … excited rin ako to post their (M&P’s) wedding…

  • Don Juan - February 1, 2011 - 3:09 pm

    I totally agree with what you say. I, too, do not believe in having only “one” special person, just as I do not believe that their is only “one” way to “live” God’s will…

  • Dominic Barrios - February 1, 2011 - 3:20 pm

    Amen Amen!! hehehe… πŸ˜›

  • Lynnette Mangaser - February 3, 2011 - 8:25 pm

    I got speechless… super inspired. Grabe, I learned a lot from the post.. But have so many questions in mind. I hope one day you can help me answer all my questions about marriage. :)) Hehe.. So far ikaw palang kasi yung pinakareliable tanungan eh. At witty and sagot πŸ˜›

    Keep up the good work Nicks! πŸ˜€

  • summer luna - October 12, 2011 - 6:30 pm

    Nicky! the first time i read this post, I think I didn’t really absorb it coz i though my search was over anyway. Confused as i am now, i remembered you have this post and thought of looking it up. A question still rings in my mind though:

    “… there could have been someone else, but this is your choice for the rest of your life.” when choosing becomes difficult, how do you really choose? or what then if you find it difficult to choose? i share Jel M.’s sentiments on this one. Sayang lang ala rin siyang concrete answer…hehe πŸ™‚

    Anyways, belatedly, thanks for posting and sharing this πŸ™‚ It helped give me perspective. I guess part of me wanted to believe the notion of that ‘one true love’/soulmate that’s for you. I guess that isn’t necessarily the case. Though I believe that your ‘soul mate’ doesn’t necessarily have to be your spouse either.

    This helped me feel less bad about things, somehow =)

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